Raped- advice?

I lost my virginity at 14 to a rapist.
That is a difficult thing for me to write because I have been in denial for so long. I'm 21 now so this was 7 years ago and it is still affecting me.?The only way I have ever been able to cope with it is by telling myself that it was my fault. I blamed myself for leading him on and getting him in the mood if I didn't want to have sex. I am ashamed of it. I would rather people thought of me as a girl who had sex too early, than to appear weak and that I let this happen to me.
He no longer lives near me which is great as I don't have to see his face and be reminded. Now I'm older I think it's more anger than fear that he took advantage of a younger girl (He was 16 at the time).
I feel like I have nobody to talk to about it. Even my boyfriend doesn't want to talk about it because he hates thinking of me with anyone else.
If anyone has any advice that would be greatly appreciated. I need to get over this somehow without closure.

Have you been to see a counseller about this? I have to book an appoinment myself for something simillar that I blame my Mom for as she used to force me to kiss her and others.

This was?not?your fault and you are?not??weak by any means. It is never the fault of the victim. Rapists can, in fact, control their urges. You survived it and now it's time for you to talk about it and begin coping with it in a healthy way. Being taken advantage of is not a sign of weakness. You've gone 7 years with a voice in your head telling you it was your fault and it wasn't. You didn't deserve it and it wasn't your fault.?

Are you able to see a therapist? Do you go to a university? They almost always have a counselor there thatyou can talk to that I'm pretty sure is covered by your tuition. They may think you need to see a different professional and try to send you to someone else that you might need insurance for if you can't pay on our own. But that still shouldn't keep you from seeking help. You deserve help, and your mental health is just as important as your physical health.

Your boyfriend needs to understand that you weren't "with someone else", you were taken advantage of. Equating rape with "being with someone else" is extremely hurtful ESPECIALLY since he won't even let you talk about it. You need to set him down and tell him that. Tell him you're still hurting and tell him if you want your relationship to go any further, then he has to be supportive.?

Thank you so much WaterBaby, I really needed that. Yes, I will look into therapy. I'm from the UK so on the most part we don't have to pay. Thanks again x

I second WaterBaby. I must say that you are really brave, there are many who becomes a victim and don't speak about this to others and even they will lose their mental stability. So consult with a counselor asap and also speak with your boyfriend.

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It's no problem, sweetie :) You get the help you need. I don't care what anyone says, it's not what the victim wore, how much they drank, if they choe to walk through a dimly lit area, it's?never?the fault of the victim. The only cause of rape is rapists. Even if it happened 7 years ago, it' NEVER too late to get help. You deserve to live your life without this weight on your shoulders.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? If you have, was he undertanding?

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Yes, I completely agree. When it is an abstract idea involving someone else?I can see how that's true but it's difficult to get my head around personally idk.?
I have spoken to him a couple of years ago about it and he wasn't very understanding at all. He doesn't like to talk about it so I've pushed it to the back of my mind and not brought it up since. I'm not sure whether to try and approach the subject again or figure things out myself.

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Thank you, hazeaugz x

 

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