Child Molestation

When I was younger I was molested by a girl in my neighborhood. It started when I was in the first or second grade and this girl was in middleschool (about to go into highschool). It didn't end until I started going to middleschool and I realized I could get away from her. I haven't told anybody about this. My parents don't know, my friends don't know, nobody. I don't really like going into details about what she did to me, because I still find it very embarassing. It has caused a lot of confusion for me.

I have wanted to tell my parents about what happened to me, but I feel like if I did they wouldn't believe me or they would get mad that I didn't tell them sooner. I haven't told any of my friends because like I said I am embarassed about my experiance. I am still debating on what I should do about it.?

This has also caused some confusion in my sexuality, because it wasn't always bad. Sometimes it felt good when she wasn't so rough with me. I don't know weather or not that is wrong. Is it wrong? I know what she did to me was bad and it basically ruined the innocence of my childhood; but it wasn't always bad. I feel ashamed to think that is wasn't always bad, because I feel like I should be saying that is was always horrible and I should hate her. Is it wrong to think that way? I feel like it is.?

I don't really know where I am going with this. Maybe I am just wanting someone to tell me they understand. This is the first time I have ever told anybody this and...I just don't really know what to feel.?

?

I'm sure this is a very confusing thing for you and that's ok. I see it as kind of like how when boys are sexually abused, they may still get erections. Just because they had an erection doesn't mean that they liked it or that it was any less wrong for their abusers to do that. You were a child then and didn't fully understand what was going on, and due to that this can feel very confusing. What she did was wrong, no ifs ands or buts, but you were the victim and unless you were coping with self-harm of any form or drug abuse, then there's no wrong way for you to cope. If your coping doesn't involve hating her, it's ok. If it does, that's your choice. You don't have to forgive her, you can hate her if you want, but where we want you to be is in a place where you can accept that it happened and no longer give it any control of your future. It's ok to be confused about it. It's was incredibly wrong on her part, and it's ok if you don't know how to handle it on yours. What you can do is see if you can convince your parents to see a counselor, or even go on your own to your school's counselor to have someone to talk to that you feel you can truly trust. If your parents show any kind of anger towards you for not telling them sooner, they're wrong. No one is allowed to determine when you should be comfortable telling someone but you. This is your recovery, not their's. You go at YOUR pace.?

Thank you for sharing this difficult story.

This is the type of story that a good counselor well trained in listening can assist with.

We have an innate need to tell our story, but as you say, who can we tell? Some stories we can't tell our parents (especially if they are not trained in listening), or our friends. Councelors are trained to listen without judging. They know the listening itself is the cure.

And yes events may not easily fit well into all bad or all good category. It's often mixed, a jumble of confusing emotions.

Thank you for sharing.

 

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