My Mom Thinks I'm a Slut

Hi everyone :)
I could really use some support. Lately I've been so depressed and sad because of some things my mom has said. Let me back track...when I was a little girl (I'm 22 now), my dad physically abused me. I would hide his belts and throw them away sometimes. He was/is on drugs and he'd take me to his parties and out late at night. He'd give me alcohol and we'd both get sloppy drunk. He'd beat me for no reason, stupid reasons, because he was high and/or because he was pissed off at my mom. I would get so depressed. As a child, I was raped and molested by an older cousin. Around that time, one of my childhood friends was murdered. My upset with my mother comes from her fat shaming me my whole life, allowing my father to abuse me but recently because she told me to my face that she doesn't believe my dad abused me and I just make stuff up in my head (she said this after I asked her why she didn't do anything when I'd scream when he'd beat me).?
Recently, my mom told me that the reason she won't take me to see a psychiatrist for my depression is because she believes I'm not praying enough (I'm a Christian). And what finally got me too sad...she recently told me I started the division in our family when I confronted my cousin who raped me. And she believes that I came on to my cousin and wanted the sex with him. My mom has called me a "flop", stupid bitch, dumb, fat ass and "sexed out" which is her wording for "slut". I try not to get so sad about it but I'm really depressed about it...it sucks because I just started a really wonderful relationship with someone who makes me so happy. I'm also starting my senior year of college (Class of May 2017!) but I'm wondering how in the hell I'm going to stay with my mom another school year. I'll be able to get a job (I'm earning my certification in medical billing and coding this Fall) and I know with my degree I'll be able to get a really good job and support myself. Hopefully I can move closer to my boyfriend. And I plan to earn my Masters after I graduate. I know my career I want, I've written and published books, I have great friends and a wonderful boyfriend...but I'm so depressed and sad because my mom thinks I'm this fat slut and I hate myself because I have to take anxiety pills (soon anti-depressants) and I have Lupus and chronic kidney disease, which means I HAVE to stay with my mom or else I will lose my health insurance, which I desperately need. I hate that my father is a piece of shit and that I can't drive and feel so stuck. I really need support.

I'm so sorry about your situation :( I can't even imagine how you feel. You're an incredibly strong person and I admire you so much. I fully support you and if you ever need to talk to someone, feel free to message me. Even if you just need to rant about something to get it off your chest. Congrats on graduating soon, too!

Thank you :) I feel a little better today. I'm going to get out soon. I plan on visiting Atlanta this June to see my boyfriend. He really makes me feel better. My friends too. I'm just thankful I have only one more year and I can move out May 2017. I CANNOT WAIT.?

Awesome! I'm very happy for you!?

Are you able to obtain any counseling through your college? So many issues. They can all be dealt with, but i can't solve them all here in a paragraph. Colleges often offer counseling. Sometimes they have a psychology department where they train counselors, and you can get free or very low cost counseling from the trainees, which is often quite good.

Doe the college have a student health center? Often they do. You may be able to get a doctor there who can help treat the depression. (I personally like anti-depressants because I feel fine when I take them. Only when doctor takes me off them, I start to go downhill, until she puts me back on them, then I get better again.)

Sometimes exercise can help. Meditation can slowly heal the brain. Meditative motion exercises, such as Yoga, Tai-Chi, Qu-gong. (I think it's the hypothalamus part of the brain that is smaller in depressed people. Meditation activates the Parasympathetic Nervous System, which indirectly promotes growth of the hypothalamus, which helps with depression, and anger, and sadness.) If you're a Christian you can look at books on Christian Meditation, where you focus on some positive thought, positive phrase from the Bible, or just on God's love for you. (I think there's a Kindle book on Christian Meditation that's 99 cents, or maybe it's $3. It's good, but only available in Kindle format. Sorry I forget the title offhand.) Meditation isn't an instant cure. Instead it's like strengthening a muscle. If you exercise it regularly eventually the muscle will become stronger. Same with Meditation. Keep doing it regularly and you'll slowly start to notice the benefits. Oh, there's also some cell phone apps for Meditation. One is called "Headspace" that a few of my friends have been recommending. I haven't tried it myself but they like it a lot.

Sounds like your father has a short fuse. Common with people who use drugs too much. It changes their brain. They end up quick to anger.

An sorry your mom isn't very supportive. Sounds like she has a lot of issues herself. Is she stressed out?

I recently read an opinion on evolutionary psychology that the "slut" label is something that women pin on other women. The evolution idea is if a women is being promiscuous, it makes it harder for the other women to find a good man. I'm not sure if that logic is sound, but it's interesting to ponder. Seems to jive with my observation that women call each other "sluts", which is a bad term, whereas men call such women "easy," which from the man's point of view is a good thing. (I guess "easy" means the man doesn't have to work as hard to get into her pants? Hmm, I never thought of that.)

Sorry about Lupus and chronic kidney disease. That's harsh. Again meditation can help activate the Parasympathetic Nervous System which helps the body repair itself.

Oh and Meditation is also very good for treating anxiety. My experience is anti-anxiety medication can help short term, but it's not a cure. But depression can have anxiety as a symptom, and anti-depressant medication, once you find the one that works for you, can actually cure the depression, and the anxiety goes away with the depression. At least it worked for me. I had to try a whole bunch of different anti-depressant medications before finding one that actually worked for me. But it was worth the time and effort since I'm OK now.

Having a few good supportive friends really helps too. Can you stay in touch with your boyfriend frequently? That can help. And of course having a safe place you can go frequently, like maybe there's a church you can go to regularly, hopefully more than once a week, where you can just be peaceful and quiet and relax for a bit, so your brain can remember what relaxing feels like. (Hard to do that at home when home isn't a safe place.)

Best wishes. Can you "stay with your mom" but also spend numerous nights at a friend's place or somewhere else?

Hi del677,
I am able to obtain some counseling sessions free from a licensed counselor (my school pays for all of it). I've been a few times and it was really helpful, I just fell off. I have someone who will also give me free couseling, I just need to call him. I've been so wrapped up with school and I've been feeling really depressed lately so my energy level is so low (I'm up about to do some homework now).?

No, my college does not have a health center, but they do have a psychology department and I've heard some professors offer counseling services for free. I am seeing a Gynecologist this Wednesday (for my pap, breast exam, cervical exam, cramps, etc.) but also to ask about anti-depressants and my struggles with depression. I cannot express how much my anti-anxiety medicine helps me. I hate that I get headaches sometimes (usually when I don't take it daily) and how sleepy it makes me at times, but I wouldn't trade it. It helps me a LOT because my anvxiety is truly horrible. I've been getting the best sleep of my life. (btw I'm up now and have been because I lost my pills lol if I don't take them I don't sleep well)

I've meditated before and recently I'm getting into deeper forms of meditation like using Chakras and aromatherapy. Reading my bible helps a lot. I sometimes have nights where I cry out to God all night long and it's extremely helpful.?

My father has always had a short fuse lol I think my mom struggles from her past because she grew up around a lot of abuse. I also think she has a hard time processing things that have happened. Lately, her comments that usually get to me haven't been getting to me and I'm grateful.?

The Lupus and Kidney disease is really under control, which I am SO grateful for. I've struggled tremendously due to it so it's a relief that I can have a mostly normal life with it. I DO have amazing friends. Not a whole lot but the ones I have are simply mind-blowing. And my boyfriend is very supportive and very considerate of me. He doesn't make a big deal about the sexual abuse I experienced in my past or the issues with my family. He honestly understands because he's not close to either of his parents. He doesn't know either of them well. His grandfather raised him mostly and then his mom during his teens. Now he's a full time student working 30+ hours a week trying to become a history teacher, business man and make something great of himself. He always asks me if I'm comfortable doing whatever and makes sure that I'm comfortable and not pressured, which I really appreciate. I haven't had a guy do that for me, usually guys are always pressuring me to do stuff.?

I plan to hopefully move out the summer after I graduate (Summer 2017). I really want to get my own apartment. I WISH I could with my boyfriend but he'll still have a couple more years in school and I really don't want him stressed trying to work tons of hours, attending six classes while making sure I'm good. I'll be working of course though! Wherever I move, I plan on having an apartment. I wish I could have a roommate, but I don't have anyone to move with! Other than the puppy I am going to adopt after graduation :D that's what I miss. My mom made me leave my kitten and now she's dead (got ran over). She made me feel so much better. I miss having something to take care of. I'd love to move close to where my boyfriend is but where he lives is HIGH. Unless I have a roommate, I can't do that at all LOL but I know I'll be able to get a really good job because I'm getting certified in medical billing and coding and there's a lot of jobs for it. I'm getting certified in the fall and I could work online or in a hospital/clinic/etc.?

So in short, I have many blessings and many obstacles. But I try to look forward to the good things. And to answer your questions, yes, I do get to talk to my boyfriend pretty much daily, though it varies how much because like I said, we're both full time students and he works 30+ hours a week. But we video chat and msg on Facebook a lot and it really brightens up my day tremendously. And no, I don't have a friend I can go spend the night with. I wish I could live on campus but if I file as an independent I will lose my health insurance, which I can't afford to lose at all. But it's OK, senior year will go by super fast. I'm really hoping that I can see my boyfriend this June in Atlanta, if he can still afford to come. My boyfriend is in Pennsylvania and I'm in Mississippi. Now if you know anyone who wants to move to either one (or anywhere lol) next year, and they're nice, let me know <3 And thanks so much for your advice!

hi serenity,

can you recommend any Bible passages for me? inspirational, hopeful, uplifting?

(and make this silly tablet I'm typing on behbehave? see, it keepkeeps doing that.)

what antianxiety med do you prefer? (I like ativan.)

hope it works out.

Hi del677,?
I highly suggest Psalm 11. It gets me through a lot. Also, Psalm 27. There's a lot that I can't remember lol I really don't have a preferred anxiety medication, I just know the one I'm taking is working really well for me. It's my first and only one I've tried. Do you take anti-depressants too??

Thank you. I'll look up those Psalms.

Yes I take antidepressants. I'm fine with them, and a basket case without them. Finding the one that worked for me was a real turning point in my life. "So this is how other people feel? Wow it's so nice not to have that useless and highly annoying 'Everything's Horrible!' feeling anymore." That's a memory I wouldn't mind losing.

Best wishes!

Hey I read your story and I applaud you for being so open about your experiences. I'm so sorry that your Mom has chosen to treat you in this way. One thing I've learned is that hurt people tend to hurt people, especially people they love. I wanted to know how you've been since this post and reach out and remind you no matter what pain or despair in your life God loves you and He doesn't blame you for any of it. You're here for an amazing purpose, and there's purpose even in our pain. You're story can change lives, you're not a mistake and you are fully loved. My favorite Psalms are 27 and 37. Jeremiah 29:11-14 always brings me hope too. Praying for you! ❤️

Hi everyone :)
I could really use some support. Lately I've been so depressed and sad because of some things my mom has said. Let me back track...when I was a little girl (I'm 22 now), my dad physically abused me. I would hide his belts and throw them away sometimes. He was/is on drugs and he'd take me to his parties and out late at night. He'd give me alcohol and we'd both get sloppy drunk. He'd beat me for no reason, stupid reasons, because he was high and/or because he was pissed off at my mom. I would get so depressed. As a child, I was raped and molested by an older cousin. Around that time, one of my childhood friends was murdered. My upset with my mother comes from her fat shaming me my whole life, allowing my father to abuse me but recently because she told me to my face that she doesn't believe my dad abused me and I just make stuff up in my head (she said this after I asked her why she didn't do anything when I'd scream when he'd beat me).?
Recently, my mom told me that the reason she won't take me to see a psychiatrist for my depression is because she believes I'm not praying enough (I'm a Christian). And what finally got me too sad...she recently told me I started the division in our family when I confronted my cousin who raped me. And she believes that I came on to my cousin and wanted the sex with him. My mom has called me a "flop", stupid bitch, dumb, fat ass and "sexed out" which is her wording for "slut". I try not to get so sad about it but I'm really depressed about it...it sucks because I just started a really wonderful relationship with someone who makes me so happy. I'm also starting my senior year of college (Class of May 2017!) but I'm wondering how in the hell I'm going to stay with my mom another school year. I'll be able to get a job (I'm earning my certification in medical billing and coding this Fall) and I know with my degree I'll be able to get a really good job and support myself. Hopefully I can move closer to my boyfriend. And I plan to earn my Masters after I graduate. I know my career I want, I've written and published books, I have great friends and a wonderful boyfriend...but I'm so depressed and sad because my mom thinks I'm this fat slut and I hate myself because I have to take anxiety pills (soon anti-depressants) and I have Lupus and chronic kidney disease, which means I HAVE to stay with my mom or else I will lose my health insurance, which I desperately need. I hate that my father is a piece of shit and that I can't drive and feel so stuck. I really need support.

That sounds awful! If you need any immediate help, I may recommend seeing a therapist to talk to your parents, then you, to see both your perspectives. Lucky for me, I have 2 loving parents who would never do things your parents do... I'm here, and I'd assume your friends are there for you too. Good luck on your dreams! I hope you make it!

 

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