It's just hard to understand.

My best friend was raped many times by her step father and she tried to kill herself three times. She's in the hospital and he's in jail. I see her every weekend and it hurts to look at her. We were so close and she didn't tell me how serious everything was I knew she was cutting herself but she told me she stopped. Of course I know I need to be there for her but her personality has changed. She is a lesbian and she does like me, but idk if I am but I can't hurt her. She acts very weird about everything that happens ever. She says it's her anxiety, but she is sorta mean about it. It's hard to always be the one supporting her and understanding her. I never talk about how I feel because I'm too scared to trigger what she says is anxiety. I really care about her and what happened was awful, but I'm afraid that our relationship has turned toxic. If I try to back away now, I would feel like I'm giving up on her just because she's messed up. I need to be her friend, but I can't always be the giver. I feel selfish just thinking this but it's just what I think. I can't make other people happy while I'm very nervous all the time. She gets out in march and I'm actually dreading it. It's easier to see her once a week but sometimes I don't want to go at all. Am I the mean one here? I just want this all to be over.

 

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