help please

when i was fourteen my step dad raped and stolemy virginity. the last three days i was in court testyfing against him. his biological daughter lied about something and she wasnt even living with us. the jury found him not guilty. i risked my safety and my unborn childs and put it in their hands and they let me down. he was a very bad person, drugs, alchol, physical abuse, emotional abuse ,verbal abuse and sexual abuse. they let him out. i wanna slit my throat so bad is this normal? 

Ouch! I'm sorry that happened. Your stepdad was into drugs and alcohol? Yes that will lead to endless abuse of all kinds. You are pregnant?

Yes court can be very nerve-wracking. And guilty people often go free. (Though being a drug addict and alcoholic is pretty punishing in itself.)

Thank you for posting this. That's a good first step.

Very frustrating to work so hard towards a goal and not get the outcome you were hoping for. Very brave of you to testify in court. That can be very intimidating.

Something that might help is if you can go to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon or Families-Anonymous group meeting. Also can help if you can find a counselor to talk to. A rape crisis center may have counselors, or could direct you to resources. (Even though it was awhile ago, it still counts.)

One other thing that might help, and this is going to sound crazy but look into it, see if there's a Buddhist center nearby that teaches a class in meditation. Or any meditation class anywhere. This will help counter all the negative effects of all that abuse you've endured, and get you and baby back to healthy. Meditation would be very healthy for your unborn child. Especially since you've endured all this trauma. Need to counter that with some calm relaxing time. Your baby will thank you! :)

Best wishes. Sorry all that happened to you.

I am so beyond sorry that that evil man got away with what he did.  It is SO wrong.  You were so very brave and strong to have testified against him in court.  I'm scared ****less for the day that I have to do that, being that the man is also my half-sisters biological dad.   It's totally normal to be angry and mad and depressed and scared.  
My best advice is to call your local rape crisis center.  Mine has been amazing, they've helped with everything from legal advice to support, therapy, checking in, and offer many other services that I don't even need.  They are there to help you, and they will.  Stay strong.


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