I was raped by three men, but was that my fault?


I was kidnapped and raped not long ago by three men. It was a horror I never thought existed. And I became utterly confused. And I am so ashamed -- They said they raped me because I was aroused after they touched me. At first they said they would not rape me and they only wanted to "have fun." First they only laughed at me, even gambled over my bra size. Then one of them unbottoned me and said he needed to know who won. Suddenly he put his hands into my bra and under my skirt. He did it for a long time and suddenly he said, "you like it, don't you?" And he turned violent. And he said terrible things... I cry and can't stop screaming every time I remember what he said to me when he forced my legs open, "Iris, I always remembered your face, now I remember your breasts and your vagina." He also said, "you always think you are a good girl? Now you are a slut just like them." Then the other two raped me. They even dressed me twice, then they stripped and raped me again. Each time they undressed me, I felt warmth leaving me and bad dreams came all over again. 


I keep thinking they might not have raped me if they did not think I... responded. I don't know. But I certainly did not feel good. Can I still call this a rape? Why would my body respond sensitively to touch? I am so ashamed. Why would they touched me for so long? Friends said men like it quick, now I think they are wrong. I was fighting the men, and I tried hard to protect my body, things still happeded. I was still quite dressed when they touched me, how do they know I responded? Like others, I had dreams of how sex is like, but it was totally different.     


I am lost, what should I do now? I was a virgin. I'd always wanted to have only one husband in my life. Now three men had me, and as they said, they will always remember my body.



I'm so sorry that happened to you! It was absolutely not your fault. It is normal for your body to respond to touching even in the most awful of situations-- that doesn't make it your fault. Don't let what they said convince you that you asked for it because your body was responding. You were saying no and fighting them and they continued; that's rape, absolutely. But, again, not at all your fault. 

Have you talked about this to someone you're close to? Sometimes it's easier to work through the feelings of shame and get answers to all the questions when you're talking to someone you are close with. 



it is never your fault when someone touches you in any form of contact that you don't want. it doesn't matter how you got into the situation, or who it is... a random person, a friend, a family member....don't ever blame yourself for it. if it was unwanted contact, and forced on you anyway, it is always rape. you can't stop your body from reacting a certain way to touch, and it does not mean that you asked for or wanted it...it's just a physical reaction. i know it's hard not to blame yourself, i know what it's like and i've been in that situation more than once, and it's still hard sometimes, but you have nothing to be ashamed about. you did nothing wrong.  like the other girl said, it could help if you have someone you can trust to talk to about your feelings to, because it's only harder to keep these things to yourself.

  i wanted the same thing for my future husband one day, but you need to remember that it wasn't your fault, and you still get to choose that man that you want to give it to by choice. it's still your body, and whoever that man is will appreciate you and love you for everything that it will still mean to him if he's the one. don't let those men define what you are when they're the ones who have no say over you for what they did. you can overcome this and become stronger for it, but i'm sooo sorry you have to go through this. no one should ever have to

Thanks to you.  I hate that I am still so sad.  But it feels like the sadness is physical and I can't control it from coming.  My best friend seems to feel "you should be over it by now."  I am not.  I am sorry, I feel bad I come here again to blame.

It has been months, and I know I am still suffering from it.

I was afraid to tell my boyfriend about what happened before I met him. So I told him to read this post. He was supportive at first. But then he became... strange. I feel that he is upset because what he has not had, other men have.

Iris, nothing that happened was your fault and you have a right to be angry, sad, disappointed and confused. What you don't have a right to be, though, is ashamed! You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed with, you didn't do anything wrong! It will take long for you to heal from this but you will heal in time.

About your boyfriend. You might just be imagining that he's acting different, since he was supportive at first. He can't blame you for this because you haven't done anything wrong. If you're worried about this, ask him if he thinks differently of you after having read this.

im so sorry that happened to you.
and your bf has no right to be upset about you not giving him what they had because of course youre going to be "iffy" about doing it because of what happened.

im so sorry tht horrible ordeal happened to u. NO IT IS NOT UR FAULT! Dont worry, if ur boyfriend dosen't know how 2 handle it. I think this is a time for you to heal properly. Give yourself some time and attention to heal. Build a support system, sweet heart. I don't want you searching for love in the wrong places. I am also a rape victim/survivor. im here to talk when you need me.

rape can happen anytime anywhere. its not your fault. stand up and be proud. you resisted but to no gain against three men. fight the trauma you experience. afraid of loosing virginity? no girl, you can still find someone out there who understnd and even love you sincerely. just be honest with the future guy ahead. and most important keep praying. take care


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