Would you care if I killed myself?...Of course, you wouldn't

Hi, i'm 14. Things haven't been going great. I'm suicidal and I cut myself to get rid of the pain and trust me, it helps alot! I'm also depressed and I have social anxiety. So I have 3 friends at school. Everything used to be perfect and good but now it's all ruined. My best friend (x) has stopped talking to me. Not like completely, but like when its just me and her it's quiet. Just silence and it's like we need to say something but we won't and I don't know what that something is. But when we are with other girls, we talk, I feel like day by day, we're drifting apart and I'm losing her. I've talked to her twice about this and her answers are short, like 'ok, yes, no, i don,t know, alright' stuff like that. It just makes me so upset. I have this other friend (y) who wasn't that great freinds with (x) but with me. However, lately she has been getting so close and I feel like I'm being replaced. Stupid, right? So I talked to (y) and she said she'll back off but I told her that (x) isn't just mine so we can both be friends with her. (y) really cool and outgoing, just like how me and (x) used to be. 
So now my depression and self harming has gotten worse. (x) tells me she doesn't know why this is happening, that we hardly talk anymore, I mean I'm the one who is always making the convo.
So I tried to kill myself on Tuesday and my mum walked in.

I want to kill myself again and I know for a fact that no one would care about me. No one likes me anymore and (x), (y) and (z) are my only friends. But I hardly think they'll care. So I wanna sort this thing out between me and (x) and then kill myself. Any ideas on how I should kill my self, when where and any poison or knife? And how can I solve this problem with me and (x)

Thanks, Princess Unicorn

Hey there! Friends can be confusing sometimes, but it does sound like the (x) does agree that something feels off. That is not a bad sign, it's always good to acknowledge when something is wrong. Maybe you guys should go do an activity together instead of just sitting and trying to talk (sometimes a change of pace can help!), go shopping, go see a movie, or even just go for a walk. Maybe you can also invite (y) and you can all be more connected together!

I am sorry you feel like no one cares about you, it sometimes can seem like the world is just so big and crazy and we are just so small. And there is a quote I like (yes it is Doctor Who, bare with me here...) "In 900 years of time and space, I've never met anyone who wasn't important." So yes the world is huge and busy but you are a part of this world and if you were not here with us anymore then the world would be drastically different! I hope you do reconsider your plans, the world still needs you. 

Have you tried talking to anyone about your depression or anxiety? Maybe your mom? If you feel to anxious to talk to someone right now, write in a journal about how you feel and why you are feeling like this (or at least try to guess why you are). This is a nice private way I can express how I am feeling when I am getting an anxiety attack and not have to worry about anyone else reading it.

I am sorry you are feeling this way, I hope you begin to feel better soon!

Thank you for your advice and I'll try to spend time with them and not block everyone out of my life.
Good quote btw! ;)

i'm just very very very suicidal and my mum doesn't want to believe it because it will hurt her.

Do you think you would feel comfortable talking to a teacher at school? I am not too sure where you are from but most schools should be able to help you find resources and they won't tell your parents about it. 

Thing is I don't want to talk about it because people call me an attention seeker and it's haappened laods of times before, i'd rather keep to myself

I know we don't know each other and don't owe each other anything but it makes me sad hearing how people want to kill themselves I know it's not a perfect world that people have their problems but it just breaks my heart to hear it I see every life as valuable and precious including my father who horribly raped and abuse me I would never want to see him die and you as well I would care and miss you even though we have no idea who the other person is but I know I can't control what you feel or how you think but these are my thoughts and I really am sorry for how you feel 

i totally agree with fairydancer22!!! it makes me sad also that you dont no how loved you are! The God of the universe loves you you are his daoughter! i used to be susidal and suffered from bi polar for a long time, even tried to commit a few times...but i am so glad that God pulled me out. Listin to me ok dont stop reading, J esus DIED FOR YOU so u could be with him. i know its hard and it doesnt seem like anyone loves you and if if God was eal y isnt he there or y cantu see him. trust me  have asked the same qs but he is there...just let him in girl...if u want to message me or talk its fine! i wanna hear from u!

Wow thanks guys, reading these has made me feel alot better! I guess its just life you know, depression, suicide and mental disorders and illnesses.  @fairydancer22@godgirl15 you guys have made me realise how loved I am, thank you i really want to message you guys but unfortuantely i don't have a phone or any social media (because of my parents) but you  guys can email me if you want?

Its nice to have poeple who want to talk and listen :)

sure! glad i could help!

Your so very welcome I'm happy I could help cheer you up and show that you are an important person that we all love you here 

 

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