I broke his heart and now I can't forgive myself. Help?

Hey there. I just wanted to share my story in hopes that I could receive some advice and encouragement. Let's start with some history on my relationship. I had known my ex for about three years in total and we dated for about two. When we first started dating things were perfect. We were each others first serious relationships. We lost our virginities to each other. Thought we were gonna get married. Spend our lives together. Well once we hit the year and a half mark things started going downhill. We started fighting almost everyday and one day I guess my boyfriend just had enough. He dumped me rather coldly. Told me to stay away from him. That he had fallen out of love with me and liked someone else. I remember being so heartbroken. I didn't understand how you could love someone, one minute then not love them the next. I was still madly in love with him so after a few months of separation we decided to try again. The second time around it was almost as if we had discovered a newfound love. Things were amazing. I would even say they were better than the first time. However that was short lived. Once we got to the 2 year mark things started changing for me. I felt that my relationship was losing it's spark and that I just wasn't as interested anymore. It started first with me losing my physical attraction to my boyfriend. Then I started looking at other guys and even starting to like other guys. Finally I just developed a sense of carelessness towards being with my boyfriend. I had loved him with all my heart for two years, even when he hadn't loved me back, so I didn't know why this was happening. I kept trying to fight thru it and make things work. I kept making excuses i.e this is just a phase, this is just cuz we've been long distance. The feelings persisted and eventually I told him how I felt. He insisted that it was just because we had been in long distance for half a year, and that if he visited things would return to normal. They didn't. About a week and a half after he went back home I finally just had enough. I didn't feel like it was right, or fair to him, to string him along until I could figure myself out, so I let him go. He told me that he had seen this coming and that it was alright but that he needed time to let his feelings for me dissipate. The reason why I feel guilty is because I know I broke my exes heart. He adored me and I feel awful that his efforts weren't enough to make me stay. I feel awful that when he asked me why my feeling for him had fleeted, I couldn't give him a reason. I'm scared that he'll never allow himself to love again because of the hurt I've caused him. I politely told him not to wait for me, to move on, and he said that telling him that wasn't my place, because he loved me and needed to move on at his own pace. We agreed to stay friends, and even tho he handled things very well I still feel low and guilty. Help?

Time is the best healer. It may not feel like you can go on but you certainly will find a way. He will find some kind of comfort too. Have faith in the powers that be. Things are going to get better.

 

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment