Please, I just need help
I think it'll help me cope with my sadness and anger if I write how I've been feeling out, and I'd love a sound board. Please, I'm at the end and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been having very bad suicidal thoughts lately and they're scaring me, but they just won't go away. I can't help but fantasize how nice it would be if all the stress and panic ended and I could finally rest.

I'm a stressed college student in my junior year. I'm an accounting major which is the second hardest major at my school. It's very intense and the professors expect a lot out of us. The extra push is sometimes helpful but it can also get destructive for me when they practice "tough love." They stress that we have to be the best or we won't get a job after college, that we have to have honor-worthy grades, a wide range of extracurriculars, and a winning personality. And at the beginning of the semester I was all of that.

My GPA was a 3.5, I held leadership positions in all of my extracurriculars, and I was a friendly, confident person. I was landing interviews for internships and was even given several offers with huge, prestigious firms, but it went downhill quickly.

Toward the middle of the semester I found that I couldn't focus, that I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed by the amount of work I had. I started to do assignments last minute and studying for exams was not a priority. I always prided myself on being a stellar student, but I wasn't acting like one. My grades were starting to reflect my new mentality and I even failed an exam. I've never failed anything in my life and now I can't hope for more than a C in one of my classes - I've never earned anything less than a B in college!

I went into my professor's office to talk about it and I can't even begin to describe to you what she said. She told me that if I produce this kind of work for my employer that they'll fire me, she said that I wasn't a motivated, hard working student. And when I assured her that this was so unlike me she looked at my transcript and said, "well, you're not a stellar student." What the he**! I have a 3.5! And I work damn hard for my grades!

When I assured her that I had been studying for two weeks for this exam she didn't believe me. She and my tutor (a peer) talked about me behind my back and discussed how poorly I've been doing at tutoring - which could be farther from the truth! Anyway, I started crying in her office and she didn't even act sympathetic...at all. I felt bullied and humiliated and the worst part was that she thought I was something that I'm not.

I've been feeling down ever since. I've been working hard at my school work but I find it harder and harder every day. I feel more and more hopeless and stupid and worthless. I'm slowly losing all of my leadership positions in my extracurriculars and alienating myself from my friends. The more this goes on the sadder I get and the more stressed I become.

Now I'm just feeling like I just want to end it all. Like my life just isn't worth continuing if this is the kind of stress that I'm going to face for the rest of my life. I work like a dog and my grades don't reflect that this semester and it's tearing me apart. I'm at my breaking point and it's scaring me. I just want help and for it all to end. I want my professors to be understanding and help me. I just want the pain to end.

Please, please, I'm just looking for some words of encouragement and love. I'm so very desperate.
remember what you said about being all those things at the beginning of the year? you still are. sometimes things happen along the way that cause us to doubt or second-guess ourselves, and it's a hard cycle to break, but you can do it. why does it hurt so much when people say things like that? becuz inside you know it's not true, and that's what you need to hold onto and remember. don't let anyone take that from you. you are capable and smart, and you can have everything you want. if there's a class or two that you struggle with, it's ok. no one's going to look back at every class someday when you're getting into whatever job you're trying for at the time. the end result is all that matters, no matter how long, rough, or bumpy that road may be to get there. breathe, and don't let them try to define you. you're what matters. don't ever believe that no one cares, becuz they do. we all have different lives and stories, but we're all here for you. if you need someone who cares about what happens to you, i do

Whatever that professor specializes in he certainly doesn't know anything about people. Colleges usually have counselors, and a student health center where you can see a doctor, because getting a note from a doctor is like getting a note from God (or a god).

 

If you put too much weight in a boat the boat will sink. Lighten the boat and it will float again.

 

Alright those professors are just nuts, telling students they won't get a job, that's just B.S. Sounds like what they really want to do is shrink the class size. So instead of helping every student they instead try their best to get some students to fail. Thank God college isn't the "real world" the real world is much nicer. Companies that thrive do so because they nurture their employees, encouraging them to improve and grow and produce. If they need to downsize they just lay off people with a heartfelt "I'm sorry" and a letter of recommendation so you can get another job—Unless you work for a city/county/state government job where they have to "justify" every layoff. Then they will trash your record and lie and make you look bad so they can "justify" the layoff.

 

So what you do is ask for a lighter work load, go to a doctor and get a note which you can then hand to the dean and since doctors are gods (at least in the U.S., I hear it's not that way in other countries) notes from doctors are always accepted and then you can drop a class. And find the college counselors. Colleges have them because quite a large percentage of students have similar issues of being overworked and stressed and if they didn't have counselors then the college would gain a bad reputation of having a high failure rate and dropout rate. Colleges are always concerned about their reputation. Colleges need their students to do well or they gain a bad reputation. So they provide counselors and doctors to keep their students healthy because healthy students do better.

 

Don't buy in to that B.S. that you'll never get a good job. Companies don't care about college education, they only care if you can do the job or not. You find a job in the field you were born to do, a good fit, and you'll thrive, and a good company will nurture you along because that's how they get stellar people who can do the stellar performance.

 

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