Feeling lost.

I was in a four year relationship. He is 20 and I am 21. Everything went so well, but this past year things began to change. I had a boyfriend that has A.D.D. He wasn't taking his medication and used alcohol and weed to cope himself. It became excessive and I couldn't control it. Past couple months, he has been verbally abusive towards me. He would tell me I am fat, unattractive in bed and intelligent. He would control what I ate and I couldn't tell his family about his strange behavior or else he will break up with me. I went up and down for this guy I loved and he treated bad. I did my best to make him happy. 

When I went to Kansas for christmas break he was alone in the apartment. He us to move out and find a good place for us but all of a sudden he told me we needed to break up. I was sad and when I arrived at the apartment I begged and begged for him to stay and I will make things better. He ignored me and was on his phone so I took it and ran in the bathroom. He tried to push me out and I warned him not to do it or else I would drop it and he didn't listen. I dropped it. It broke and he was mad at me. I took his laptop so I can hide it and he came and pinned me down and started to choke me. I couldn't breathe and he told he was self defense. I was so shocked that I couldnt remember anything. I took it phone again and told him to stop. He squeezed me half to death and threw me on the ground. I ran to the door and told him to stay or else I would call the cops and he pushed me so hard that I fell and hit the corner of the wall on my head. I was knocked out for a mintue and tried to ran toward him but he just pushed me hard and ran.

I didn't report him..... I wished I could have but I loved him and I cared to much to do such a thing. Now, I regret it because he is telling everyone a different story saying I am the crazy one. I need help... I want it to go away and he is not listening to me. What can i do to move on or do something about it. He won't admit it.. :( 

Hi I am so sorry this is happening to you.  First of all none of this is your fault, and he is abusive and his controlling behavior and violent behaviour is all part of domestic violence.  Domestic violence purpertrators often do seem wonderful, and amazing and we can easily be in love with them but they switch and this behaviour you cannot change or help him with, it is somehting he has to want to change and has to seek help.  However, being around him is not good for your safety or health.  He wont admit is violent men never do, best thing is go somewhere you are safe and try and move on and know and truely believe you are worth so much more.  That you deserve to be loved and cherished by someone who would never make you feel scared, threatened or anything other than beautiful and wonderful.  You need to also accept he will not admit it, focus on your career and the fact you are an amazing women with a degree who does not need a man underserving of your love.

Your a graduate student, your 21 and I'm sure you have no kids yet. U can move on u are not tied down to this guy, in my case it's different he does the same thing he verbally abuses me and puts me down a whole lot, sadly i have a daughter with him i have to deal with it or end it. In your case you are young barely starting your life , I'm pretty your ex is a loser and he doesn't deserve you and watch once you are established and on your feet he will come back around, they always come back around and the minute you give him that chance again he will do the same things he was doing before, i mean they change just to conquer you for the moment, but no one really changes.  As woman to woman you deserve a whole lot better.

 

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