my abusive ex boyfriend

I ended my three-year long abusive relationship in the spring. I did not see much of him during the summer, only on one occassion when he randomly began to call me repeatedly, demanding that I give him a book back that I had borrowed months before. I told him I wasn't home, which wasn't true, I just did not want him coming over to my house. But he showed up anyway, tried to get in, and shouted, banged on the door, and called me repeatedly until I not only returned the book, but also stepped outside to subject myself to his screaming.


Since then, hadn't heard a thing out of him. I was beginning to mvoe on with my life. I was feeling better.

But now school has started again, and this year, his best friends are living just a couple buildings away from me in our apartment complex. He was supposed to be living wtih them, but he's recently dropped out. I thought that meant I'd be seeing less of him, but unfortunately, he's visiting his friends almost 24/7.


First, there were anonymous noise complaints about a very small, fairly quiet gathering I had for my birthday. A few days later, I ran into him, and he was extremely rude to me. I ignored him.


Then, someone drenched my car in some disgusting sticky liquid that I had to scrub off of my windshield. All of the cars around mine were unaffected.


This weekend, I had a few friends over, and one of them went outside to smoke a cigarette. He was taking awhile, but finally returned, telling me that my ex had requested that another friend of mine go downstairs and talk to him.


I stormed downstairs and yelled at him to leave me and my friends alone - which was probably stupid. But I was angry, and not thinking clearly. He refused, and proceeded to wait on the front steps of my building until everyone in my apartment left. He then seated himself on the curb right across from my window, and stayed there for an hour, alone, just staring at my building.


The following day, he sent me a long apology text, telling me that I "probably shouldn't respond to it," which I would never have done anyway. He basically told me he wasn't trying to harass me, and he wanted to get together and talk sometime. He also informed me that I should try not to be "distracted" by what he had done.


A friend told me yesterday that he essentially announced on his blog that he misses me, and posted the song lyrics to "out on the town" by fun. If you aren't familiar with it, the chorus is  something about "standing outside your window" and "wanting to throw rocks at it."


He has a new girlfriend, but I guess she isn't distracting him as much as I had hoped. His text was very nice, which caused my friends who had been telling me to "get over it" since he showed up at my building, to say "good! It's over then." They clearly understand nothing.


Him being nice was always the worst part of the cycle. He always denied that any of the abuse ever took place, and minimized everything he possibly could. When he's nice, I almost start to believe that I'm just being dramatic, even though I know I'm not. It was terrible, being with him.


I'm really scared of what's going to happen now, because it seems like he's trying more and more to get my attention, and I'm also beginning to feel a little crazy, mainly because of the lack of support from my friends.


I just was hoping someone could give me some insight... do you think I need to be concerned? Am I overreacting? I don't know... Thanks.

     He sounds like a bit of a stalker. Have you tried reasonably talking to him (not in person but on the phone, don't put yourself in danger)? Unfortunately, theres not much you can do about that until you have some proof that you can give cops. If you want to take it that route, you should just get a restraining order. It doesn't matter if other people think you are crazy for it or that you are overreacting. The facts are that it's your life and you dated him for three years so you probably know him better than any of your friends. 

     Maybe you can look into moving? I know it's not the most desirable option but it might ease some of your worries.

try talking to your parents or someone you trust if your friends are not helping maybe asking someone else for help? go to the cops if you want and see what they say you could do.


Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment