Needing help & advice as I am very lost and distraught (Abortion)

I have found myself increasingly struggling with the toughest decision I've ever had to make so far in my life. I found out I was pregnant in the end of September. I had to wait to tell my boyfriend who I have been happily with for almost 2 years as he was already in an incredibly stressful time with issues with his dad and a job restructure meaning he had to face an interview (something he is petrified of). After about a week of me knowing things began to settle down so I told him. He wasn't mad or upset (as I thought he would be) but we came to the conclusion that the best option for us was to abort. I booked the appointment with my doctor and went to see her a week later (even though Ihad said it was quite urgent). When I saw her she gave me a number to call and left me to it. I called the number and booked myself an appointment for an early medical abortion for the earliest date which happened to be the 21st October. I went to the appointment with my boyfriend but was told he could not come in at all for the whole duration. I was aware there needed to be a time when I was alone with the doctor to make sure it's what I wanted but I was told I'd be allowed to have him with me for the rest of it - but this was not the case. I had a blood test and scan to be bluntly told by the doctor she couldn't give me treatment that day as I was 10 weeks + 6 days. She then went on to tell me I needed a surgical abortion but she would not call the number to book me in as it might take 2 weeks to do so. She then gave me a picture of the scan and I and my boyfriend left her office. I broke down in tears as we left as she was so rude to me when I asked not to see the scan making it seem if I saw it I would change my mind. She then was very rude as I had to look away when she took my blood as I can be quite squeamish. Her comment to me telling her that was 'I don't understand people like you, if you're squeamish you shouldn't get an abortion as you will see lots of blood and clots'. She was trying to make me feel guilty. When I got home I called the number and they said they'd get back to me with a date. I waited a week and heard nothing so called again. They told me the department had left but they will request an appointment for me to be arranged and that I should be called the next day. The same thing happened for 3 further weeks. Now at 14 weeks pregnant and beginning to show, I my friend gave me another number for a different company. I called them and booked an appointment for the earliest. This appointment is for another consultation tomorrow (28th November) and I will be rebooked back in within 1-7 days of my consultation for the procedure. Unaware of what to expect at now heading on to 16 weeks pregnant, I researched into the procedure I will be having. I have read that now the foetus is too big to be 'suctioned' and will have to be dismantled within my womb. This breaks my heart to think that I have been keeping this little life safe and protected for 16 weeks, and now it gets torn apart. At first I was sure abortion was the correct option for my situation, but as time has developed I have gotten to bond with it. I can now feel flutters in my stomach and I'm starting to clearly show. I come home and cry almost every night (which I am aware is hormones mixed with feeling so unsure) but my boyfriend understandably thinks abortion is still the right way to go (I say understandably because he hasn't felt the changes in his body etc). I am 19 years old in a very stable career, my boyfriend is 21 also in a very stable career. I am so torn and lost and would be very appreciate of any advice/ people who have experienced something similar.

Thank you.

Thank you, I'm so torn and upset I'm not sure what's the best option for me anymore. I really appreciate hearing everyone's views and feel comforted by knowing people are here to listen.

 

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