Having an abortion was the best thing I've ever done

I'm not saying it's something that I ever wanted to do. And I most certainly did not get pregnant just to have one. I'm not proud of the fact that I wasn't careful and got knocked up, but mistakes happen.

I had a medication abortion. It was a hard decision. I knew that I was pregnant before I even missed my period and I found out that I was pregnant exactly two weeks after the date of conception (I've only had sex on one night in the last 6 months...). I am extremely fortunate that I found out so early, because it made the decision easier. 

I am Catholic, I have a very religious and conservative family, and I do believe that life begins at conception. At the time that I ended my pregnancy, it was only a tiny little sack of cells- they could barely see it on the sonogram. But I do believe it has a soul, I do believe he/she is up in heaven, and I do believe that I will meet he/she one day. I also named the baby.

Trust me, I really wanted to keep the baby at first. My hormones and maternal instinct came in like a wrecking ball and it seemed as though it was impossible to make a decision. My emotions clouded my judgement. I knew deep down that abortion was the right decision for myself, the baby's father, and my family. But that didn't stop me from coming up with baby names, taking pre-natal vitamins, and imagining my life with a child.

I choose abortion because although I believe that life begins at conception, I did not want to bring a life into this cold, cruel world without a stable and loving environment with two loving parents. I believe that my baby has a better life up in heaven with the angels, then it would spending it's early years living in my parents basement as I struggled to get by and splitting it's time between parents who argue and dislike one another. I know that my children deserve the best life possible and there's no way that I could provide that, and it would be selfish and unfair to have a child under those conditions.

I'm 22 and in my final year of college. I'm going to finish school, find the love of my life, travel, make more mistakes, get married, buy my first house, save up some money, and then have children. It is not the right time for me to have children now, but one day it will be. And I'm excited for that day to come. I want to be able to tell my parents that they will be grandparents and watch them cry tears of happiness- not tears of anger and disappointment (I did not tell my parents that I was pregnant). I want to be able to get one of those tacky picture frames that say "All because two people fell in love" and have a beautiful picture of my children in it- I couldn't really do that with more than one baby daddy.

I am going to make myself a better person for the sake of my unborn child, so I am able to say that the hardest decision of my life was also the best decision of my life. Maybe that sounds cruel or heartless but it's true. There's not a doubt in my mind that I would have loved my baby with all of my heart if I decided to keep it. I still love the baby even though I didn't. But because I made this choice, I'm able to live. I feel like I've been set free, like a great burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. I'm at peace with my choice because my choice has enabled me to give the best life possible to all of my future children, instead of stuggling for a long time trying to raise one. 

I'm not saying this was easy at all. The abortion was painful but thankfully I passed the pregnancy extremely quickly. I cried more then I have ever cried before in my life and I mourned the loss of my baby. I see pregnant women and young children everywhere but I don't let it bother me. This decision might not be right for everyone, but to those of you who are considering it- know that it's not necesarily as horrible as it is sometimes depicted on the internet. I understand that many women have a hard time dealing with the pain, emotions, and loss that abortion can cause. But a lot of women also feel a great sense of relief, freedom, and peace when it is all said and done. 

Hugs! 

Big hugs! It sounds like you gave this a lot of thought and that it was truly the right decision for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

You're very brave and courageous for sharing your story :) I hope that experience helps u shape into a person and you grow immensely

Thanks soo much for this post.  Hugs and best wishes!

I just want to tell you that I'm so happy that you posted this and that I was able to find it and read it. I am only 18 and had a medication abortion last week. My boyfriend and I knew we really did not want to/could not keep the baby, so everything happened too fast for me to truly comprehend it and figure out how I feel. I found out I was pregnant on Monday, and was able to get an appointment at Planned Parenthood that Wednesday because of a cancellation. I've been in shock and a little conflicted for the past week, but everything you said on here is so right, makes so much sense, and makes me feel so much better about my decision. Thank you so much for this!!

Welcome to girl Pem.  

I know it's not easy under these circumstances but I hope maybe you also find other topics interesting if you'd like to read or post to them!

 

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