does he hate me?

So about a week and a half ago I had an abortion. I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend of two months. We had unprotected sex a few times but I figured that since I was on the pill and taking it everyday, I would be covered. I even remember taling plan b once. So when I found out, I was somewhat surprised. I told my boyfriend about it and he was so eager to step up. He said he loved me & wanted to marry me & take care of the baby. But I'm 19, and he's 20. I knew neither of us was ready for a baby. And if I married him, he would only resent me for it, in the future. So I made the decision and he went with me to the clinic. He didn't speak going there or coming back and hes been very distant since. We spent Valentine's Day together at his apartment and when I asked him to come to bed with me he said no. I literally cried myself to sleep and all I want is for him to not hate me for what I did. I already hate myself and I want him to talk to me. Everytime I bring it up, he pulls away. What do I do??

All you can do is know that since you were the one that was carrying for nine months in YOUR body you had every right to have an abortion. I say that you sit him down and confront him, be aware that he may get somewhat hostile, but it needs to be done. If he doesn't want to listen then I suggest you two step back and evaluate the situation. You shouldn't hate yourself for looking out for his and your future, and he has absolutely NO right to hate you.

Much love, hope, and sparkles-Russiangurl

I know I made the right decision and I feel like he feels the same way. It's just that I'm hurting and I want him to be there. I know he's hurting too but he keeps pushing me away and  all I can think is that I'm the reason he's hurting.

He DOES need to be there for you, but since he isn't; you need to go to a good friend or family member

 and let them comfort you, while he figures out his emotions.

He can still be there for you, just give him time. 

If he still hasn't come around after awhile, then it's time to sit him down

 and tell him exactly how you feel and what you wanted/need from him, 

if he doesn't want to listen then tell him directly that if he keeps pushing you away he is going to lose you.

After an abortion emotions have the tendency to run high, you aren't the reason he is hurting.

 He's hurting because of his natural response. This isn't your fault, you might be the person he's placing the blame on

 and hopefully he realizes that him placing the blame on you mentally is the wrong thing to do. 

Most likely he doesn't realize that this was your choice and it was a good choice. After a while he should come to his senses, if he doesn't and he doesn't respond to you reaching out to him, then you need to make a difficult choice. Is he worth it?

Give him time. It sounds like he was excited about the idea of having a baby and then you decided to get an abortion.


I'm not saying you were wrong, because you had every right to make that choice. But it does sound like you made the unilateral decision that he wasn't ready and how he'd feel about you, what--20 years from now? Regardless of how you look at it, it sounds like he feels he just lost a baby and it's not that he doesn't love you and doesn't want to be supportive, because I really believe he does; he just needs time to handle the situation. 

You chose a good choice, besides your baby won't live in a good environment - while the parents are still young and their future is still far away. According to me, you'd better forget him whether it's hurt or hurt you much, 'cause it's a great code that he's angry or disappointed or sad with what you've choosen. The rejection for sleeping with you is a signal that he doesn't want to get close with you anymore, and it's no use to cry for someone who hurts you 'cause you don't want to follow what he wants. If he's still the best for you, he'll understand the reason of the abortion and he'll keep supporting you to pass through days.


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