Porn

So, to lay it flat, I have been addicted to porn way before middle school. I am now a freshman and my addiction grows stronger with every video. It's feels good as I do it but then I feel lower than the scum on the bottom of the earth. I guess I started because I was curious what sex really was. I used Wikipedia at first, (yeah, I was super confused), and I read about porn videos. I googled free porn videos and Pornhub shone down from porn heaven and I was in love. I would only watch the thumbnail gifs at first. Then, if and only if I was alone or everybody was asleep, I got the courage and I clicked on a video. I felt things I never thought were possible to feel. My mind was going a million miles per second. That feeling is the same 5 years later. As I explained, I feel horrible afterwards. I need help and I will never have enough courage to tell anyone until I'm on my own someday. P.S. Don't get me wrong, I only watch it when I'm under stress.

Help is WELCOME!

Well it's hard to tell if it's really an addiction or just a normal "everyone likes sex but the part of the country I live in has taught me to feel guilty about it."

Stress on the other hand can be partly dealt with by taking a class in meditation. I was skeptical at first like I am about everything, but I had read a book by a brain scientist who said meditation was quite healthy for the brain, so I thought what the heck I'd give it a try. I eventually got good at it and it does help.

Mindful meditation. For one minute focus your attention on the present moment and clear your mind of thoughts. You can go back to thinking them after the minute is up, but for the next minute just keep returning your attention to the present moment and observe how you feel. That's it. The rest is doing it over and over, day after day, until you become good at it. It takes a bit of practise, but does work.

 

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