Mental breakdown

I've been in a really weird place recently. I pushed myself away from my friends i've had for years. I'm gettin really bad flashbacks of things I've tried to get away from. An old friend of mine recently killed himself. I'm falling off everything, I'm incredibly behind in school and am on the verge of crying constantly. I've had these periods before but they result in really really bad ways that I can't live through  again. My dad and I go through really rough patches and we hadn't spoken much and have been avoiding eachother. I was at a party the other night which I'm ussually really fun at, but I just cried and cried. But today, I was doing work last night so I couldn't get the dishes done, and my dad being mad refused to give me money for lunch, but hen I got home he had also taken away my computer, which has all my work on for school. I just broke down, I was screaming and hitting things and stbbing knives into the counter. I kept thinking of all the horrible things I wanted todo to my dad and texted him with threats. when he got home and wouldn't give it back we were yelling and I was repeating all the bad things he's done to me and about the times I shouldv'e called child services and he ran into his room. I ran after him yelling things he had said to me in previous fights that were horrible. He locked his door andI just stood there screaming and screaming as loud as I ever have and banging on the door like it was going to break down. I was just shaking and shaaking. 

I was genuinely crazy, and I'm really scared, I don't know what I couldv'e done or what I would be capable of doing. What is wrong with me and what do I do, I'm so scared.

You should call some of the numbers listed in this forum on a certain post.


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